Moments ago, I was surfing Reddit and came across this post.

If I had read this a few months ago, I would have commented something like - “Dude I relate so much!!!”

Thankfully, with the progress I’ve made on this particular issue, I’ve decided to label myself as a “Recovering Perfectionist.”

Let’s brainstorm an answer to some follow-up questions though:

Why can’t we let go of perfectionism?
Does perfection even exist?
And more importantly: Does the world even like perfect things?

Let’s start.

Perfectionism and why can’t we let go of it?

“Perfect”

The word is often used as an adjective - to compliment something/someone.
However, the word “perfectionist” doesn’t have similar connotations.

In fact, this is how a person described a perfectionist in Urban Dictionary:

The term “anal retentive” arises from Freudian psychology. It’s used for people who “need to be in control” or in other words, “can’t let go of shit”.

Well, believe in Freud or don’t, but perfectionists do have a lot of trouble letting go.

So why does one become a perfectionist in the first place?

Multiple reasons:

1. Fear of Failing or Getting Rejected

2. Unrealistic Standards and Pressure from Society

3. Parents only show love or approval if they perform perfectly.

4. Mental Health Issues like OCD and anxiety.

5. Trauma: Being "perfect" can feel like a way to cope with feelings of helplessness

This is in no way an exhaustive list.
Part of the undoing starts with finding your reason- why are you the way you are?

Your therapist can help you discover that better though.

Does perfection even exist?

We dedicate so much time to reach a certain “standard”.
Perfection.

It must be real then right?

Well, depends.
It’s mostly a fictional construct for modern civilization.
And apologies for using the most dreaded sentence: but it’s SUBJECTIVE.

What’s “perfect” for one person might not even come close to average for someone else. Your “perfect” changes based on your experiences, what society tells you, and where you’re from.

This is why that one client of yours keeps requesting changes. It has nothing to do with your actual talent, experience, competence, or potential. I’m sure marketing folks will relate here.

Does the world even like perfect things?

Well if you’ve read till here, the answer is almost obvious.
Let’s do an exercise nevertheless.

Step 1: Imagine a masterpiece: something that you consider “perfect” (could be a movie/book/person/place - you get the idea, right)

Step 2: Do a quick Google search by typing “the thing you consider perfect + overrated”

Not to patronize, but you see what I mean, right?

You’ll find people around you criticizing everything.

“Too sweet”
“Too beautiful”
“Too ambitious”

These people are probably perfectionists too, it’s just their definition of perfection is different from you.

According to some research, people even hate perfection.
It’s too artificial, too flawless for them.

In fact, people bond over “flaws”.

The pratfall effect says, “People are more likable when they mess up every now and then. It makes them relatable, and human. When someone is too perfect, they set unrealistic standards.”

Flaws = relatability.

How Perfectionism is essentially self-sabotage?

As a recovering perfectionist, here’s how I have sabotaged myself stuck in perfectionism:

• Never feeling “good enough” - hence never being happy.

• Expecting perfection from everyone else, sabotaging relationships.

• Too scared to try anything new because what if I suck at it?

• Not being vulnerable because emotions are messy.

• Missing opportunities because now isn’t the perfect time.

• Not giving second/third/fourth chances to myself or to people.

• Constantly comparing myself to other people.

• Overthinking/overplanning instead of taking action.

• Fear of rejection/criticism/selling myself low

How can you be a recovering perfectionist?

Again, this answer is probably best discovered by you and your therapist for the simple reason that everyone is different.

What worked for me was a session with a therapist too.

I had known my perfectionist tendencies for years. Talking with a therapist just made me accept it. Essentially because it was pointed to me by someone else.

I started linking everything back, introspected, journaled, identified specific instances that might be the root of my perfectionism, and built on that.

It’s a very difficult thing to do. And you have to be brutally honest with yourself.
Over time, one can hope to be a recovering perfectionist.

This is the first time I’m hesitant to share a real template with you guys because there is no perfect template. Also, I’m NOT a mental health professional.

But at the cost of being 100% transparent, and with thousands of disclaimers, here’s a journal template that you can follow:

At the end of the day, happiness >> perfection.
At least for me.

You define your own happiness and live it man!

I’m here to cheer for you

- Shrishti